New year's resolution? I'll pass

As I am writing this, it is still 2017 for 4 more hours. I actually love starting a fresh new year, in the same way that I love Mondays, the first day of the month, and the first book of a new series. I like the feeling of possibility, and that you can have a fresh start in your life any time that you want one.

The first day of a new year however, is arbitrary, a Human invention, and you can start new on a random Wednesday at 2pm if you want to. That's why I'm not a fan of new year's resolutions. It puts unnecessary pressure on you to change everything at once, and, even harder than that, to keep up all of those changes for a whole year.

The picture I have chosen for this year is one of my all time favourite items, a pillow. The humble pillow does so much for me. I put one between my legs to stop them cramping. Under an arm to get a more comfortable night's sleep. I cluster them around me when I'm spending the weekend in bed with Netflix. Pillows, I salute you. If you have not accepted pillows in to your life as a true companion, I suggest you do that in 2018, (but only if you want to of course).

For the year ahead, there are already some things I have agreed to do, and so I'll just carry on with those. Number 1: decrease my body fat. I promised my therapist I would keep on with the gym, and I will. Number 2: keep up with the exercise my physiotherapist asked me to do. I haven't actually managed to do them every day yet...but every other day is better than no days.

Whether you are out at a party, having drinks with friends, or spending a quiet evening alone, I wish you all the best, and a stress free year to come.

Lisa

Happy Holidays 2017

Christmas for me has always been a pot luck. Some Christmases I'm single, some coupled up, some were big family affairs, and others were just me and a partner having a quiet one.

Two Christmases ago I had to leave midway through celebrations at my parents house, because I was in so much pain from my endometriosis that I had to go and lay down. Last Christmas, I was happily snuggled away with Mr Tech, feeling like a million dollars.

This autumn/winter my right knee has decided to wave the white flag. It felt like my kneecap was trying to twist right off, and the skin was painful to touch. I managed to drag myself to a physio. (I often lack the mental energy to plan these things). Luckily, she was excellent. We talked through my hip dysplasia and my current issues. Somehow she convinced me to do some acupuncture on my knees right then and there, with no cuddly toy for me to hold!

Though not a cure, it definitely made a difference straight away. She also gave me some exercises to do at home. I will certainly attempt to remember to do them every day....

Tomorrow I will be at my parents house, being over-fed and generally treated like a tame house-cat. It's going to be awesome.

Whatever you're doing, and whatever you are going through, I want you to remember that you are not alone. Some Holidays will suck, and some will be great. Never be afraid to put yourself first, and do what you need to do.

Wishing you all the best

Lisa x

You better work b**ch

Britney gives us life's no.1 rule. (click for video)

This week, I'm channeling a blend of Britney Spears and RuPaul.

I've been hardcore binge watching RuPaul's drag race for the last few weeks, from season 2 onwards. (Why no season 1 Netflix?!)

There is so much incredible talent on that show, and people who have overcome all kinds of life challenges. (Prison, childhood abandonment, family rejection, illness and disability to name a few).

It's been a while since I did any serious exercise. Extreme cake eating is not considered a sport, and neither is marathon sleeping. However, I made a promise to my therapist that I would start up some kind of exercise routine.

It's nerve-wracking to walk into a gym for a lot of people. There's a common fear that it will be wall to wall Gods and Goddesses, wearing practically nothing as they effortlessly work out without sweating.

In my experience, people of all body types go to the gym, and very few people are paying attention to those around them. If anyone did look at me, I had decided that it was because I looked fierce and sickening, and they were jealous of my boogie (and booty). By today's pop culture standards I have a rather small bottom, but I'm very pleased with it. Work what you have!

I stepped on to that treadmill, and I started my journey back to getting into shape. And it was hard. I could only manage half the distance that I used to do, and with a lot of walking in between jogging. I sweated. I struggled to breathe. But I had some good songs playing on my iPod, and I kept going. 

And then two days later, I went back again, and it was already so much easier to talk myself into it. Tomorrow, I'll be going again.

No, it's not my favourite way to spend an hour. In all honesty, it ranks somewhere with being set on fire, and having to eat a bowl of carrots. But, if you want to be healthy, happy, and delay that hip replacement for as long as possible, you better work b**ch.

Much love.
Lisa

Spoon Theory

About two years ago, I first came across Spoons.

A Spoon is a unit of energy commonly used by people dealing with chronic illness. Below is an example of how spoons are used in day to day life. It's not an exhaustive list by any means, but it's a good starting point to figure out your own energy use.

So why am I talking about spoons today? Well, having chronic pain, physical disability, and mental illness uses a lot of spoons. So many, that other things often have to go by the wayside. As much as I love writing this blog, and hate to see how long passes between posts, I simply run out of spoons too often to manage it. So this is both an apology for lack of posts, and an explanation.

Let's say I start the day with 20 spoons. Before I get to work, 3 are gone. During the course of the working day, another 15 are gone. Now I have only 2 spoons left to cover everything I might want to do in the evening. A meal out or a trip to the cinema puts me into the minus spoons.

Every day, I am using more spoons then I have, and so by the weekend, there's a massive imbalance to correct. Having the energy to write, to see friends, to even get out of bed, can become impossible.

This is the situation faced by people world over. Struggling to get by, having to choose between doing something they would enjoy, that will wipe them out for the rest of the week, or staying home and playing it safe.

Recently I started seeing a great therapist. We talked about my lack of energy, and how I can recharge. We agreed that it's perfectly OK to put time aside just for sleep. So now every weekend, I'm putting aside a sleep day, where I make no plans at all, and allow myself the time and space to just stay in bed and recharge.

Staying in bed all day has a lot of negative annotations. It's the kind of activity that brings out negative comments. The act of sleep is seen as lazy, wasteful, even bad for your health.

Well f**k all of that. I'm going to do what's right for me. Now fluff my pillows, it's time for bed.

Lisa x

Summer is here: time to hate yourself!

Never have I seen my facebook so crowded with scams, pyramid schemes, weight loss procedures and boot camps.

Let's play a little game with this print out and play bingo card.

Can we all just take a minute to remember that being overweight is not the biggest crisis most people will go through. Don't offer unsolicited advice to people on their weight. Trust me, they know how much they weigh and they already know if they feel good or bad about it, it has f*** all to do with anyone else. Don't offer helpful tips. Don't talk at length about what worked for you.

Please, for the love of science, don't sign up for 6 worthless sessions of cool sculpting, don't buy skinny wraps (there is no possible way they work!), and definitely don't get sold a jar of magic beans.

Those of us who have been through, or are in the midst of, a health crisis can often feel that their bodies are out of control. Chances are, if you're stuck at home in bed, you've gained some weight. Well, so what. You're alive. Being fatter and alive is better than being thinner and dead.

 The fact that gyms, personal trainers, and horrible, soulless pyramid sellers everywhere see summer as the perfect time to prey on people shows how vulnerable people are to self hate. Summer is when we have to show some skin, and we don't want to be the worst looking person on the beach right?

F*** all of that. To everyone out there battling illness and or disability: your body has gotten you this far. It is the best friend that you have. Show it some love, because it loves you, and take yourself out to the beach. Or stay inside with a fan. Sand isn't all that great, and seaweed is totally gross...

You do you.

But we should all dance to the below song. 


Haters Gonna Hate

Have a great summer.

Lisa x

Life: I get knocked down, and I get up again

I thought this would be a quiet year for me.

Last year I spent most of the time in pain, waiting for my endometriosis to be removed, and then in recovery from the surgery. When I got back to work in September, in a brand new, shiny job, I thought things had finally settled down.

When it comes to my health, I think on two levels. My normal level includes the daily pain I get from my waist down, in my muscles and joints, as a side effect from my dysplasia. This is normal, day to day life for me. If it hurts more than usual, I have a hot bath, or I spend more time sitting, but I don't think about it too much.

Then there is the abnormal level. This is anything over and above that pain. Anything in this level can push me over the edge into being unable to do much of anything, because my body is already under stress all the time.

It was the abnormal level that had been dealt with last year, freeing me up to go back to normal life.

When you've been through a big health scare, it changes the way you think about things. Life doesn't phase you quite so much. It was only because I have built up my resilience so much these last few years that I was able to cope so well with that happened next.

There I was, happy. I was so confident in my financial situation and job that I purchased a second hand car. An automatic that would give me more autonomy. I just can't do the long walks like I used to!

And then I got fired. I got fired in a particularly callous, brutal way, along with other unsuspecting staff. No warning. We were just called downstairs, told the company no longer required us, and told to get out and not come back.

It was so surreal, I can still hardly believe it now, more than a month later.

So there I was, unemployed with no notice, with my shiny new car (sort of, it could use a wash actually) and I thought WHY UNIVERSE? WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!

And then I just had to get over it. Yes, it was unfair. Yes, it sucked. But spending days crying and eating chocolate was not going to get me a new job.

So I went to a recruitment agency. I went to interviews. And three weeks later, I had a new job. And you know what, I like it there a lot. I get to work with a great team, and I get to spend my time doing what I enjoy.

 I get knocked down 

Click to enjoy a rousing song 😺

Guest post: The Land of the Lost

Let me introduce myself, I am Winslow E. Dixon. I have Medullary Sponge Kidney Disorder, Endometriosis and due to the stress of those two things- developed adrenal failure (Addison’s disease). I am a former geriatrics specialist and holistic health coach. I am now a freelance writer, columnist and author. 

I have a chronic illness, but I refuse to be defined by it.

Sometimes, with chronic illness we feel stuck, trapped and overwhelmed.

Times like this I call falling into the“Land of the Lost.”

It’s that point where you feel restless. You can’t sleep. You find anything that will distract your mind long enough for you to succumb to exhaustion and fall asleep.  

I know every single human being has had a night like this, especially those who struggle with health issues and pain.

It always starts the same way; thinking too much. Thinking about how much pain you’re in….thinking about how you wish you were well again….thinking about how you wish life would be. 

Here are tips for nights where you may be stuck in the “Land of the Lost”-

      1-  Write down what is bothering you.

2- Write down one good thing in your life for every problem you wrote down.

3- After steps 1 & 2, find a distraction. Panic attacks, tears and worry do not solve anything! (Distraction list below)

4- Find a source of comfort. Try drinking some hot tea, wrapping up in a freshly washed blanket, spraying your favorite scent or putting on your favorite shirt.

5- Avoid sad triggers! Stay in your calm state and get away from any remembrance of what is bothering you. Find a mental “chant” to remind yourself to stay away from negative thoughts. (My mental chant is “Don’t go there”   example- Oh; I wish I was thin again like before I was on steroid medication.  DON’T GO THERE. Think about something else)

List of possible distractions-

1- Pinterest! Type in something you love (clothes, art, photography, animals, etc) Look up recipes and maybe even a new hobby to try

2- Favorite movie or book.  Netflix is our friend!

3- Youtube.com. Maybe look up bloopers of your favorite show. That’ll give you a laugh for sure.

4- Pop in your headphones and play some happy or calm music. Do not 
play any music that will remind you of anything upsetting or troublesome.

5- Doodle! Yeah, like you did in 7th grade English class. It’s fun to draw random things.

6- Stare at the stars. Soak in the sun. Enjoy a moment outside!  Be very careful with this. Do not let the beauty of the sky be degraded by worry and negative thoughts.

The next time you’re in the land of the lost, I hope these tips help. Wishing everyone hope and healing <3

- Winslow E. Dixon

Winter: my old foe

Those of you have read some of my early posts may remember my intense dislike of the cold. Not just because of wearing so many layers that you can no longer bend, but because if there's one thing that agitates arthritis, it's the cold.

 (Image: Living with oesteoarthritis - symptoms - pain, stiffness, swelling, sensation/rubbing of bone on bone, crunching/popping sounds during walking, limited movement, especially in the hips)

Basically, I plan to start a petition as follows.

All people suffering with arthritis or similar, or otherwise greatly affected by the cold, should be immediately relocated to the tropical paradise of their choice. 

I think that this idea is perfect in its simplicity. No more stiff joints. No more painful walking. In fact, it's a wonder that anyone hasn't come up with this before.

Now that spring is here, we have plenty of time to get this idea off the ground! OK, so maybe we won't get the tropical paradise of our choice, but I'm flexible! How many cupcakes do you think we would need to sell to buy an Island? Like, 100?

Illness and homelessness

I had a fluff piece that I intended to post, but homelessness has very much been on my mind these last few weeks. Whilst in London I spotted homeless people on virtually every street that I walked down, sitting out in the freezing cold.

I want to talk about someone I know, who I will call Patient. Patient is really ill. They have terrible pains every day, and the doctors have no idea what is causing the pain. This has been going on for a few years now.

Recently they became so ill that they lost their job. So, like I did last year, they turned to the government to help them pay their rent. Only the government said no. Patient had not paid enough taxes, and so they were not eligible for any help.

So now patient has no job, and no money. Only through their support network are they are to keep their home.

Patient is one step away from being homeless, and the government is OK with that.

People make assumptions about the homeless. They choose to be homeless. They choose to not work. Sounds great doesn't it? Not being able to go and buy food, or change your clothes, or wash. Of course they want to be homeless! They assume it started with the person making bad choices. Taking drugs, dropping out of school.

But some of them got ill. And they had to pay to go to the doctor. And they couldn't afford treatment. And they got sicker. They lost their job. They lost their home.

This is not an exaggeration. This is happening in countries all over the world right now.

Next time you see a homeless person, think about how many steps away from homelessness YOU are. What if tomorrow, you lost your job? What savings do you have? What if you had no family? It's probably closer than you think.

Poor people don't deserve healthcare

Having grown up in England in the 90s, I had certain expectations from life. It was a given that my parents took me to the doctor and the dentist, and did not pay for these services. These were essentials, not luxuries. They seemed to me to be part and parcel of our Human Rights.

 What a shock then, to discover that this was not so in other places. When we moved abroad, I was exposed to a much crueler world. With the rising popularity of the internet in my late teenage years, I got to learn that in fact, many governments do not take care of their people. If you can't pay, you don't get treated.

What kind of b******t is that?

This struck me particularly hard when I spent around 9 months off work due to my endometriosis (for which there is no cure, by the way). I filled in extra forms to get doctors bills paid for, and was given an allowance that would cover 1 visit a month. I was actually seeing a doctor twice a week at one point.

That there are people out there who don't support free healthcare shocks me most of all. Do these people think they are immune from all of life's illnesses and accidents, waiting around the corner?

Despite being born disabled, when I was first signed off work I was in the best shape of my life. I was exercising 5 times a week, eating my greens, making my own smoothies. I was determined to make the most of my body.

It didn't stop something bad from growing inside me. No amount of green juice and vitamins guarantees health.

Should you ever have the opportunity to vote in free healthcare where you live, have a good long think about it, and vote yes.

Lisa