Guest post - Freedom in Confinement

Hi, I’m Gusty and a neuropathic pain disorder landed me in a wheelchair.

I remember being so depressed when I found out it was permanent, because it felt like my life was over. Being ‘confined’ to a wheelchair seemed to me about the worst fate imaginable. As it turns out, I couldn’t be more wrong.

Life with a pain disorder is hell, but I will never resent my chair. It represents freedom, it represents strength, and I can’t imagine life without it.

“I’d kill myself if I were in your position,” a stranger casually says to me, unaware of how incredibly ignorant that is. It makes me ashamed to know I once felt that way, even if I’d never have said that to someone.

What’s funny is that being disabled was actually a positive for me in a lot of ways. Not only have I learned to be much more assertive, but I also treat myself so much better than I used to. All the crappy fake friends that I held onto for so long, I got rid of them. When you only have so many spoons, they just aren’t worth wasting on people like that.

I have learned to cut myself slack, which is something I was never able to do before. The short-term memory loss and cognitive issues I now deal with seemed insurmountable, but they weren’t. If I couldn’t be great, I told myself, then I shouldn’t even bother. I was wrong. Trying is worth it, even if you end up being terrible.

I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. Sometimes the obstacles I have to overcome prove to be too much of a challenge. There are days where I have no energy and sleep for twenty hours. My body can no longer do so many of the things I used to love.

You know what, though? I have passions to pursue and friends worth using up my spoons on. I have more hobbies and interests than there are hours in the day.

The world may not see me, but that just means I don’t have to worry about what people think. In a lot of ways, being ‘confined’ to a chair has been the most freeing experience of my life.