You have been terminated

After being ill for so long, it became clear to me that I was going to lose my job.

Apart from a couple of weeks here and there where I had struggled to go in, I had been signed off since the end of November, and it was now the beginning of May.

Some of my doctors, and a work liaison person who had been assigned to me, were confident that my job could be saved. I was much more realistic than them. I had a long talk with my regular GP to discuss my case.

A few things were clear.

1: I still lacked an agreed upon diagnosis.
2: My pain was still random in intensity. Sometimes I would have a mild ache for a few days in a row, but the excruciating bursts that left me confined to my bed would return eventually. The intense pain could last for an hour, or for days. It was this randomness that prevented me from agreeing even part-time hours.
3: The few painkillers that actually worked on my condition had side-effects that would prevent me from working to the required mental level.

And so it was that on the 3rd of May, I was officially let go.

Even expecting it to happen, I was hit by a wave of sadness the next day. This was a job that I had loved, with good colleagues, and I had planned to make a long career out of it.

Now I was unemployed, poor, and, like everyone, getting older. Only I had just passed 30, which seems significant in the context of employability. (Wrongly?)

To make sure I wasn't about to throw myself off a building, I had a long chat with a mental health community nurse, and we hashed out the things that I need to focus on at present. Career is just not one of them. But the time will come again.